Hidden Disabilities, and assumptions from strangers.

Today was bad enough, with the auditory assault from just about every direction. Having woken up even more supersensitive than ever, body almost vibrating from the effect noise was having on me. It was like feeling intense cold, without actually being cold. It was a sensation I haven’t felt with out being cold before. Needless to say, I didn’t like it. So after being out and about like I usually am on Tuesday, and having been bombarded by the shriek of lorikeets (why are so many around here??) and galahs, motor scooters, to name  a few, I came home thoroughly exhausted and feeling like I had been hit by a bus, I so ready for some quiet and to be able to chill out for just a little while till I had to go and meet the AsperBoy and his new carer at his school. But on days like today, noise just seems to follow you. Unless I shut the house up and eliminate the fresh air, I cant get rid of the sound from the outside. And wearing the headphones for too long ends up hurting my head. Woe is me! Cant wait for those ear plugs. I long for them and the moments of silence they wil bring. These sensory dysfunctions are something that I struggle with because of my Asperger’s. And while trying to battle one issue, the others are becoming more acute because of it. So the glare today was making me so tired, and the strain  on my eyes was painful. Bring on the Irlen lenses. I mentioned yesterday the need for more help and resources for people on the spectrum. Not only that, but they should be available for adults on the spectrum too. Not just for kids. While more and more kids are being diagnosed, and there are more and more resources for them and early intervention, the adults are slipping through the gaps. And how many of them are on pensions and cant afford the exorbitant prices that everything costs? Its not easy.

But I digress.

If today wasn’t bad enough with all the above to fight with, to top if off, the almost confrontation I had over a parking spot at the shops was not welcome. I hate confrontation. I cant handle it in the slightest. Now I don’t look like I have anything wrong with me. But who does these days? You cant walk down the street and see perfectly “normal” looking and “healthy” looking people and just assume they are. You don’t know that they person that just bumped into you might not have heat disease, or cancer, or epilepsy or anything else. So you cant just assume that because someone is waiting for a handicap parking spot  that they are just trying to grab what ever spot they can get without any care to anyone at all. So while I was waiting for my spot, my handicap sticker on the dashboard, waiting for the lady in said spot to reverse out of it, another lady pulls up to the left of me and indicates for the same spot. I wave my arm at her to try to get her attention. Nothing. She moves forward a little as the lady in the spot starts to move back. I move forward also to trying to show that I had been waiting for it. The lady (I will call her yellow car lady) trying to pinch my spot finally looks at me. I I indicate again that I had been waiting and it was my spot. She shrugs her shoulders at me, lifts her nose in the air and turns away. She moves forward again to take the spot, so I move forward and block her enough so she cant take it while leaving room for the other  lady to get out. Yellow car lady gives me a dirty haughty smug look and waves her sticker at me. I look back at her (not haughty mind you) and wave my sticker at her. Mean while, the other lady had finally vacated the spot and I drive into it. while yellow car lady gives me another look and drives off.

Now I know that to most, that wouldn’t seem like a huge thing. But to me with my Asperger’s and my fear of confrontation it was nightmare. My heart (for which I’m supposed to be keeping a heart journal on) was beating so hard and the adrenaline was coursing through my body like I had just been chased by a horde of angry zombies. I was panicked that yellow car lady was going to come and have a go at me. Thankfully the last look she gave me was enough and she went off to find another spot (four down and across from me which was far too close if you ask me). Yes it doesn’t look like I have anything “wrong” with me. Most people will stare at me pulling into a handicap spot, then look again as take Kobash out of the back, his orange vest almost glowing against his bluey ash fur like a beacon, with it saying, see?

You know what they say about those that ASSume? Something about a small donkey right?