My best girl


At our fav cafe’


Going for walkies


My boy

Everyone experiences things in their own way. What one person feels another doesn’t and visa versa. For example, the lose of a beloved pet. Only another person who has experienced that loss, loss of a pet that was such a huge part of their life and views them the same way you do, would understand. And understand why you still feel it years later. While another person who doesn’t see the same way would be confused by it.

 But just because you don’t understand what someone may be going through, doesn’t mean you cant show empathy. Most Neurotypical’s are under the assumption that we ASD’ers do not have empathy or even know what it means. The irony there is that its usually NT’s that have the trouble with empathy. We ASD’ers have the problem where we feel too much. So much so that we may have trouble identifying what  it is we are feeling. We also tend to take on other peoples emotions, personality traits and idiosyncrasies to the point where some may thing we are mimicking them. But when you feel so much more from another person then you do in yourself it can be hard to separate one from the other.

Emotions in us, well at least from me, are so powerful its almost like a living beast in my chest sometimes. I can feel all through my whole body any kind of emotion. And if its intense enough, I can ache for hours or even days after an emotional attack. And I’m an emotional zombie for almost as long. Its like I’ve overloaded on feelings and I don’t have anything left till it recharges.

I can be hard to be around people who don’t understand that. They don’t understand why your quiet. Why you don’t to be around anyone. Why you can barely talk. Why you don’t want anyone to touch you. I’m grateful that I have my animals around me then. They just know, in their way, what It is you need. They are a comforting presence. Only giving contact when they know you need it.

I see so much on the news (when it happens to be on TV and I’ve got no other choice but to endure it), and Facebook and the like, of what Human beings are capable of. To themselves. To animals. To children and the Planet. All the while these atrocities are going on, they put on a big show of “How terrible!”, “Why don’t we do more to stop such and such?” “War must end” yadda yadda. But that is all it is. A big show. They don’t have the empathy to do anything more then talk about it. Or stop it if they see someone hurting someone else or any other living thing. Instead they avoid it. Of course I know full well that that there are Neurotypical’s that feel as I do. So don’t take me wrong and think that I’m being prejudice against them. I’m not. I do have very lovely friends that are NT’s. Just call it a rant if you will. Most of time I’m suffering because of another person its because of an NT. I just find it so discombobulating that someone cant even make an effort to show empathy, when I had to and still have to, constantly try to show myself to be “human” and show emotion and attachment to another human. Its easier and safer to show that to an animal most of the time. I feel so much that these days that saying Human is like using a curse word. I’m confused as to what Humanity even means.

Ok. Rant over.

I will just focus on what is good in my life. The blessing I have. The good companionship. My AsperBoy who, without even knowing the Dog I lost so many years ago, will cry along with me and feel sorry for me that I’m in pain. I love that Boy.


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